Retreat

Retreat!

I love the word, not because it means, among other things “flee quickly" from conflict, but because its other meaning is to “get away from the ordinary" and "get in touch with oneself”.

The past three weeks have been very difficult for me. When I was teaching, I always had a few weeks after summer school when I was mentally counting the days until school started again. I thought I was doing really well this summer, mentally preparing for NOT going back to the campus, but I was wrong. It hit me like a ton of brick two and a half weeks ago. Since then, there have been more days than not that I would get up in the morning, make breakfast and see my husband off to work, then lay back down “for a few minutes” only to awaken 5 hours later. Some mornings I would not even get up until nearly noon.

This is not like me – this is depression at its most insidious. It eats up my life and saps my energy. And, quite frankly, I resent it.

The good news is: I have been looking forward to this past weekend. I just returned from four days and three nights with my dearest and best artistic friends. Every year, twice a year, I look forward to Quilt Guild retreat. This time I paid for retreat right after I found out I lost my job. I knew I would need the spiritual sustenance that it gives me, and I was right. I took my jewelry to sell, and while I did not sell everything, it was worthwhile. I also bartered jewelry for a 30 minute massage from the on-site massage therapist. Yes, it was very good to go on retreat.

While I was there communing with my best gal-friends, I created two small quilt-tops that I will quilt as soon as I can get my best sewing machine repaired. (Have you ever noticed? Everything costs money!)

Saturday morning I left retreat to attend the first meeting of the Dallas Area regional group of Studio Art Quilters Association (SAQA). I met some of the local big names in art quilting and felt a bit intimidated. They were as nice as they could be so I am glad I joined. I look forward to tapping the collective resources this group has to offer.

Here are the two little art quilts I designed (but have not quilted) while on retreat. This one is Castlerigg, a Neolithic stone circle in the Lakes District of England.

And this one is of Maes-Howe and the Hills of Hoy on the island of Orkney way north of Scotland.

And here is my Etsy shop. Now, please go over there and buy something. I will give a 10% discount if you mention my blog in a convo (to me).

The Ups and Downs

Where does your creativity come from? Are you a thoughtful, focused, organized processor of your creative ideas? Or do you come to your ideas from intuitive spurts that are erratic and disorganized? I imagine quite a few artists with claim the second process over the first but that probably varies depending on the medium an artist chooses.




Right now I am having a little trouble, because I am taking a medication that diminishes that sort of euphoric feeling you get when you are at the beginning or in the middle of creating a piece – where time stands still and all the separate elements seem to fall into place. That euphoria is the same feeling you get in your gut and head when you have laughed long and hard. The effect of the medication has me very concerned. I am taking it for very good reasons, so I will continue to take it even if I don’t like this particular effect, but I fear the flattening of that “up” feeling.


In short, I fear losing my creativity.

I have been told that the medication will help me focus and finish tasks -- and that is a very good thing, but I worry about the beginning of tasks – especially artistic endeavors. From my own observations I think the artistic temperament tends to be more sensitive and skates a little closer to the edge than other folks. It also seems to be a two-edged sword: creative euphoria with dramatic highs, or numbing lows that prevent any creative thoughts a place to roost. I have experienced them both, and I must say I prefer the “ups” – and who wouldn’t! But if they are too high, the fall is farther and much more pronounced. (What I am talking about is NOT bi-polar disorder, but depression with manic episodes.) We all have our demons, this is mine.
At this point, my creative output is a moot point – I am not creating anything tangible – but I do have lots of concrete ideas I want to pursue.

So help me out here: whether or not you suffer from similar demons (no need to self-disclose), do you see your creative self in any of this? How do you deal with it in or outside of your studio? Do you have organized processes to get to your creative work? Do you keep an art journal (and does it help)? What practices could I adopt to “get me going” when the “up” isn’t there? Give me some boot-straps I can pull on.

Since I did not have any takers for the last giveaway – the Snowflake Obsidian and Fresh-water Pearl earrings will go to a special someone (selected at random) who posts a comment to this blog between now and Saturday Morning.


Thanks in advance.